First Off

Gentle hypocrisies, yeah. That's my tangent.

They allow us to be the compassionate, empathic, loving, kind, and generous people that we are. And then simultaneously be cynical, jaded, bitter, spiteful, and nasty people that we are. Isn't that just super fucking nice?

I really don't know anymore. Maybe I'm degrading into nothing more than a factory of bile, shit, piss, and vinegar. I'm pretty damn sure that I need a paradigm shift. A gestalt change. Because if it doesn't happen, I'm just gonna hate everyone around me. And that isn't good for me, let alone them.

Especially since I'm not particularly prone to hate to begin with. There are few people in the world that I actively hate, and most of them are far off monsters. I don't want to become a hate-filled husk of my former self just because I'm unhappy with my current situation.

I'm just so tired of everything.

Selah,
--Ian

posted by Ian Quinn  : 6/29/2002 11:43:00 PM 0 comments

I've been told that every generation has a great freakout. That every couple of years people start crying "DOOM!" and running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I realize that this is true. Every generation thinks that it is worse off than any that came before it. Boo-fucking-hoo for us right? We've got running water, electricity, the internet, the printing press, radio, television, motherfucking Hollywood and shit. We've got central heating and air, indoor plumbing, hardwood floors and wall-to-wall carpeting. We've got IRAs and 401ks and compound interest oh my. We've got Pizza Hut, McDonald's, Coca-Cola, Budweiser, and Starbucks. We've got Neverwinter Nights, Spider-man, and Harry Potter. Hip-hip-hooray!

We've also got a political and economic structure that's corrupt and rotten to the core. We've got hundreds of thousands of people working at less than a living wage. We've got the television to tell us that it's all OK, that we're all OK, that we can all own Acuras that will pick up the intercom at our house, and tell us exactly where on earth we are. We can all make ourselves look like the folks in the Smirnoff Ice commercials, and then eat McDonald's to celebrate. We've got a war that is ripping away our personal freedoms as quickly as it kills innocent folk whose only crime amounts to something along the lines of having never had a Frappacino and a Big Mac. And not allowing our biggest corporations to run rampant drilling for oil on foreign soil in order to fatten their already enormously overinflated pockets. The most powerful man on earth is a drug-addled bigotted money-hungry nepotistic idiot puppet-prince. We're living the nightmares of conspiracy theorists, and we aren't paranoid enough to care anymore.

We are fucking apathetic, ignorant, docile apes. We care more about who J-LO IS FUCKING THAN WE CARE ABOUT THE STATE OF OUR NATION, POSSIBLY THE GREATEST FUCKING NATION EVER KNOWN TO MAN. We could care less about the raping of our innocence and the theft of our well-being. Obviously, because we haven't done a thing about it. WE HAVEN'T DONE A FUCKING THING BUT TO BEND OVER AND POLITELY ASK FOR MAYBE JUST A BIT MORE LUBRICATION. We haven't so much as squeaked out a request for a reach-around, let alone massive, all-encompassing social and political reform.

Because if we did, then something might actually happen. And that change would break our fragile psyche, so change be damned. Because one person can not make a difference, so I'm not going to try because no one else is. I like where I am. I won't be affected. I'll be dead before the worst of it could start. We could end up wasting the best part of our lives railing against the unjust brick wall that's not going to move, anyway. So we'll self-hypnotize into a state of zen-like calm and even ecstasy as we lose everything that our forefathers lived and died for. Because we like things the way that they are. WE LIKE TAKING IT UP THE ASS! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT WE THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ARE SO DELUDED AND LULLED INTO OUR FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY THAT WE NOW LOVE THE BRUTAL TORTURE THAT OUR WAY OF LIFE IS UNDERGOING, AND THAT WE AREN'T GOING TO DO A FUCKING THING ABOUT IT.

Because if we did, we might have to work for it or something. And that's not the american way, dammit.

--Ian
scared shitless, witless, clueless, useless, tight-lipped, tight-fisted, tight-assed, half-assed, ass-licking, money-grabbing, ego-jabbing, sniveling, grovelling, moaning, groaning

posted by Ian Quinn  : 6/28/2002 07:30:00 PM 0 comments

Answer these using the lyrics of only ONE band:

Band: The White Stripes

1. Male or Female?: The same boy you've always known.

2. Describe yourself: I'm bound to pack it up and go away.

3. How do they feel about you?: People don't even know me/ But they know how to show me/ Why can't you be nicer to me?

4. How do you feel about yourself?: My pride is dying/ I think I'm all done lying/ Whoa-oh/ Nobody's sharing/ So I stopped caring

5. Describe your gf/ bf: So many times I've gotten used to this/ This whole idea of being all alone

6. What would you rather be doing?: So does that mean that there's no more doing/ And there's no more thinking/ And there's no more feeling/ 'Cause there's no right opinion/ Can you tell me what I'm supposed to Do?

7. Describe where you live: When you're in your little room/ And you're working on something good/ None of it's really good/ You're gonna need a bigger room

8. Describe how you live: I'm patient of this plan/ As humble as I can/ I'll wait another day/ Before I turn away/ But know this much is true/ No matter what I do/ Offend in every way/ I don't know what to say

9. Describe how you love: The calmest blue ocean water cannot stop/ My heart and mind from burning

10. Share a few words of wisdom: There is a man/ A certain man/ And for the poor you may be sure that he'll do all he can/ Who is this one/ This favorite son/ Just by his action has detraction magnets on the run/ Who likes to smoke/ Enjoys a joke/ And wouldn't get a bit upset if he were really broke/ With wealth and fame/ He's still the same/ I'll bet you five he's not alive if you don't know his name

posted by Ian Quinn  : 6/27/2002 11:15:00 AM 0 comments

A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

Never in my life has this statement been more fucking plain and true.

I feel like I should be horribly depressed. There's no one left. Nothing left. It all fizzled, went out with a whimper. And I saw it all happening. I felt it all happening.
But I'm okay. Maybe it just feels like a moderately fresh start. Maybe it's all just a false tell, and I'm just gonna go about business as usual. I'm not gonna let this all bring me way down. It won't fucking happen. Not on my watch. I'm going to fuck this shit up like there's no tomorrow, because at this point there really isn't.
Because for all my planning, I don't fucking know what I'm going to do ten minutes from now, let alone tomorrow. So it's just not there. How zen.
And when things finally work out, I'm going to revel in it. I'm going to sit back and gloat. I'm going to laugh at you.

You know who you are.

Selah,
Ian

posted by Ian Quinn  : 6/24/2002 03:17:00 PM 0 comments